As I am writing this, my hand is still shaking with fear. I am completely numb, my face emotionless. My heart seems stop beating. My blood pressure reached to the level where doctor says "aapko dawao ki nahi, duaao ki jarurat hai". Well!! Enough drama. Just chillax. I was kidding.
You must be wondering, why this Layoff thing after 3 years or so of recession. Actually early morning, news caught my eye which says Citibank fired around 100 people but with gracefully. Underlined, gracefully. Yeah why not. Gracefully, give pink slip but invite vipasha basu to hand you over, nobody will mind. For gals, I request you to invite Farhaan Akhtar, I won't mind if you laid me off, seriously. And No JOHN please.
Human resource department of these companies are doing other favors too like giving free tips of job search skills, fair enough!! if they acquire job search skill, they will definitely lend a job like in facebook. I find doing job in facebook as coolest job ever, my guess of course, what you suppose to do in this job is "Like, like and more like and more more like"
Even if I don't care about this layoff stuff (I hope, my HR will not ever come across this post, but I know she will not, she will be busy checking bugs in everybody's mail, recording time how much one talk on mobile, who talk whom, whose and whatever!! ), I will make some plans for time pass, just in case.
1. I will write a book on XYZ subject. If you doubt of my experience, let me tell you one thing, in my engineering, I compiled huge piles of books of a single subject just in 40 pages so don;t doubt of my capacity. I vomited these 40 pages in exam wherever I could find the space, and guess what I got maximum marks. Oh yeah , I am that much talented. (Some sounds of clapping) Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I tell you, one doesn't require sound knowledge to write a bestselling book for students janta, You just have to cut, copy, paste, edit (All the command you know in Microsoft word ) and compile all you know from almost 20 books in library in 100 pages (Please if you want to make it best selling stick to the 100 only, don't let it overflow, nobody have that much time to go for the crap you talk, talk & talk)
2. Once in training for a question, I replied "depend upon so and so" instead of giving some random numbers. Hearing my diplomatic answer consultant said "Hope, you are not politician." Oh!! I am not. But I have all genes.
Politics. The most coveted carrier. No investment, No qualification required in fact nothing is required, If some politician is reading, I am just kidding, you people are most qualified people in the world. You know how to suck money in the most unquestionable ways in form of taxes (sales tax, exercise duty, professional tax, income tax blah, blah, blah. Pardon me if I have messed with types of any taxes), then safely send it away in the most safe place called swiss bank.
3. Icecream taster: - Icecream !! icecream !! icecream!! Oops, I can't say much. My mouth is full of Icecreams now.
4. Serial-wali-bahu: - All one have to cry, cry & cry and how cool, living one life, one can change her husband atleast 3 times. When first husband die, she can marry to his brother, when he die too the first one will come again with another name and suddenly 2nd one will appear too. In middle she will fall into love with her friend, she will marry to him but he will lost his memory and then again his 1st one will come to her..oops!! So much golmal. Even I am confused ki "akhir ye ho kya raha hai."
There are many in my list, but some other time. If you need my counseling, you can come to me anytime. This is also one of the coolest job you can do. To give advice is always cool, right!
You must be wondering, why this Layoff thing after 3 years or so of recession. Actually early morning, news caught my eye which says Citibank fired around 100 people but with gracefully. Underlined, gracefully. Yeah why not. Gracefully, give pink slip but invite vipasha basu to hand you over, nobody will mind. For gals, I request you to invite Farhaan Akhtar, I won't mind if you laid me off, seriously. And No JOHN please.
Human resource department of these companies are doing other favors too like giving free tips of job search skills, fair enough!! if they acquire job search skill, they will definitely lend a job like in facebook. I find doing job in facebook as coolest job ever, my guess of course, what you suppose to do in this job is "Like, like and more like and more more like"
Even if I don't care about this layoff stuff (I hope, my HR will not ever come across this post, but I know she will not, she will be busy checking bugs in everybody's mail, recording time how much one talk on mobile, who talk whom, whose and whatever!! ), I will make some plans for time pass, just in case.
1. I will write a book on XYZ subject. If you doubt of my experience, let me tell you one thing, in my engineering, I compiled huge piles of books of a single subject just in 40 pages so don;t doubt of my capacity. I vomited these 40 pages in exam wherever I could find the space, and guess what I got maximum marks. Oh yeah , I am that much talented. (Some sounds of clapping) Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I tell you, one doesn't require sound knowledge to write a bestselling book for students janta, You just have to cut, copy, paste, edit (All the command you know in Microsoft word ) and compile all you know from almost 20 books in library in 100 pages (Please if you want to make it best selling stick to the 100 only, don't let it overflow, nobody have that much time to go for the crap you talk, talk & talk)
2. Once in training for a question, I replied "depend upon so and so" instead of giving some random numbers. Hearing my diplomatic answer consultant said "Hope, you are not politician." Oh!! I am not. But I have all genes.
Politics. The most coveted carrier. No investment, No qualification required in fact nothing is required, If some politician is reading, I am just kidding, you people are most qualified people in the world. You know how to suck money in the most unquestionable ways in form of taxes (sales tax, exercise duty, professional tax, income tax blah, blah, blah. Pardon me if I have messed with types of any taxes), then safely send it away in the most safe place called swiss bank.
3. Icecream taster: - Icecream !! icecream !! icecream!! Oops, I can't say much. My mouth is full of Icecreams now.
4. Serial-wali-bahu: - All one have to cry, cry & cry and how cool, living one life, one can change her husband atleast 3 times. When first husband die, she can marry to his brother, when he die too the first one will come again with another name and suddenly 2nd one will appear too. In middle she will fall into love with her friend, she will marry to him but he will lost his memory and then again his 1st one will come to her..oops!! So much golmal. Even I am confused ki "akhir ye ho kya raha hai."
There are many in my list, but some other time. If you need my counseling, you can come to me anytime. This is also one of the coolest job you can do. To give advice is always cool, right!
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